


ripped at every edge

by spangel



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Child Death, Gen, Grim Reapers, Hell, M/M, Reaper Spike, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:40:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4925389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spangel/pseuds/spangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angel is crafted from the gentle light, with soft hands, hands in God's hands, life in God's hands, <i>except</i>: he is told to serve, that his purpose is to love mankind and love his maker, his God, and Angel says: <i> Yes. I promise, I will not disappoint. </i></p><p> </p><p>Spike is crafted from the same hands, <i>except</i>: he is told that his purpose is to help ease the deceased, he is told to be kind, and Spike says: <i> Yes. I promise, I will protect the dead and calm the dying. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_God said, "Let there be light," and there was light._

 

Angel is crafted from the gentle light, with soft hands, hands in God's hands, life in God's hands, _except_ : he is told to serve, that his purpose is to love mankind and love his maker, his God, and Angel says: _Yes. I promise, I will not disappoint._

 

Spike is crafted from the same hands, _except_ : he is told that his purpose is to help ease the deceased, he is told to be kind, and Spike says: _Yes. I promise, I will protect the dead and calm the dying._

* * *

Spike's very very  _very_ first mission is to bring a girl named Buffy Summers into the afterlife. She killed herself, but she spent her entire life being good and saintly and protective, and so she is going to be enlightened, is going to Heaven. They tell him that the job will not always be this easy, that he will have to deliver some people to Hell and that he is  _not_ to calm or help these people.

 

Okay, he says, I can do that. I will not feel mercy for those who did not obey the word of Him.

 

It does not take Spike long to locate this girl - she is somewhere on Earth named  _California,_ and it is a sunny place by a large body of water. Spike decides that  _California_ is beautiful, and that maybe, if he didn't have a job to do, he would be living in this  _California_ and watching what is called the ocean, and being at peace, because Spike is ostensibly a  _reaper,_ and reapers, Spike is told, do not get peace.

 

But. He can dream, right? He's allowed to feel this way towards a place on Earth, right?

 

 _Right,_ he convinces himself.

 

Buffy Summers throws herself off of a building, and she's admittedly very beautiful and Spike wonders  _why_ she would kill herself,  _why_ she would do something so sinful,  _why -_

 

"It's because her sister is dead," someone says.

 

Spike turns, and finds a man, a man who is admittedly very  _beautiful._ Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, and he's dressed in white clothes  _like_ beauty, and he's glowing softly - he is one of Spike's kind, except  _better,_ except older and more powerful and -

 

"I'm flattered," he says. "But I'm not a reaper. I'm not like you."

 

Spike frowns. "Then what are you?"

 

"I _am_ older and more powerful. They call me Angel, and I am God's favorite."

 

"Okay," Spike says. "How can you know what I'm thinking?"

 

"Because I am a higher being," Angel says. 

 

"I get that, but -"

 

"I don't have to tell you anything more. I take it you are here for Buffy Summers?"

 

_I don't have to tell you anything more._

 

Angel is beautiful beautiful _beautiful,_ except: he is full of himself, and Spike, for the first time, experiences conflict. "Yes," he says.

 

"I was told the same thing," Angel says. 

 

"But you said you're not a reaper."

 

"Exactly. I don't understand."

 

 _Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,_ Spike thinks. He is God's favorite Angel. This makes  _sense._

 

"Maybe -"

 

"No."

 

"How did you know what I was going to say?"

 

"We were not put together on purpose. This is a coincidence, nothing more."

 

"Right," Spike sighs, "well, I have a job to do, and that girl Buffy needs some help, so I'm going to go reap her, okay?"

 

Angel grabs Spike by the wrist. "Wait."

 

"What?"

 

"We'll do it together."

 

* * *

 

Buffy looks down at her body and lets it sink in - she's dead, she's  _dead,_ and maybe now she will be able to see Dawn again, maybe now she can be happy with her sister and hold her close and maybe now she will be able to tell Dawn that everything is okay and mean it, maybe now she will be at peace forever and ever and maybe now -

 

"You will be able to see your sister soon."

 

"Yeah, what he said."

 

Buffy turns, fast, and sees two men - one dressed in white, and the other dressed in black. She thinks about balance, things about yin and yang, thinks about completion.

 

"Are you here to take me to her?"

 

"Yes," says the man in white. 

 

"How is she?" Buffy asks. "I mean, how... is she... is she sad?"

 

"She misses you."

 

"Okay," Buffy says. "What do I have to do?"

 

"Take our hands."

 

Buffy takes the hands of man-in-white and man-in-black, and a light appears that's bright and calming and Buffy squeezes tighter, and thinks about completion again, but not in color. She thinks about seeing her sister again. She thinks about Dawn completing her.

 

She thinks about peace, and they walk into the light.

 


	2. when the world's gone cold

Angel leaves Spike after Buffy has moved onto greater things, and says that he is going to go ask them why he was told to find Buffy Summers in her death. Spike's job gets easier and easier with every soul he moves into the afterlife, and he never sees his beautiful Angel again.

 

Then he is told that he must take a soul into Hell. Spike doesn't know what happens to souls when they are taken to Hell, but he can imagine, he thinks that maybe they are tortured, thinks that maybe souls transferred to Hell don't  _know_ they are going to Hell and believe that they will see their loved ones again, only to see projections of them and then realize that they're not there and they never will be. Maybe in Hell you see images of your living loved ones moving on with their lives and  _that_ is the torture.

 

Spike doesn't want to find out what Hell is like. He knows that he will have to find out, sooner or later, because he can't do his job effectively without that knowledge, but Spike can put it off. He figures that he can drop their soul off and walk away.

 

The soul he has to carry is a twelve year old girl.

 

* * *

 

 

"There are no coincidences, my dear Angel."

 

Angel walks through the marble doors and sits down on his knees. "So," he says, quietly, "you  _did_ put us together on purpose?"

 

"I can't talk about it right now. But know this: some things are meant to be, and these things will always find a way to become, even if they have to fight to make it happen. I simply set things in motion, and then I sit back and watch."

 

"Sounds like you  _can_ talk about it."

 

"When I created that reaper, I knew he was special. Just like how I knew you were special. It's not surprising that you two get along."

 

"We don't get along," Angel laughs.

 

"You will. In time."

 

* * *

 

 

"What's your name?" Spike asks, leaning down to match the girl's height.

 

"Lily," she replies. "What happened? Where's my mom and dad?"

 

Lily's mother was driving home when the car hit an unknown object and flipped over. Lily's family was able to get out safely, but Lily was paralyzed and trapped. Her parents screamed and screamed and screamed for her. Her mother fell to the ground when she heard of Lily's death. Her father went into shock.

 

"Lily," he says, softly, "that's a nice name."

 

"I don't like you," Lily says, and backs away. "Help!" She screams. "I - I don't know him. I can't find my family. Help me!"

 

She sees a man walk across the road, and runs up to him. "Hello?" She says. "Can - can you help me?"

 

He doesn't respond. She reaches out to get his attention, but her hand goes through his arm.

 

She turns back to Spike. "What's going on?"

 

"I'm sorry," Spike says. "There was a car accident. Your parents are fine, but..."

 

"What are you trying to say?"

 

"You're  _dead._ "

 

Lily presses a hand to her mouth. "I - I can't be dead."

 

"Everyone reacts like this," Spike tells her. "It's okay. Come with me."

 

Spike can't send her to Hell. Spike doesn't know what Lily did, can't fathom that a girl so precious and young could commit sin and do things bad enough for her to get sent to Hell. She's  _twelve_ years old. She deserves a chance. She deserves to be okay. She deserves peace.

 

But. Spike knows his orders. He is not to show any compassion to those that are supposed to rot in Hell. He could get in trouble for even speaking to her in a calm way.

 

Lily takes his hand hesitantly. "Where are we going?"

 

"We're moving on."

* * *

 

 

The path to Hell, Spike finds out, is inside of an elevator.

 

He climbs in with Lily and presses the down button. He feels a hole forming inside of him, a hole created by his regret, a hole created by...  _feeling._ Spike is not supposed to feel. Spike is supposed to do his job.

 

And Hell's interior is nearly indistinguishable from Heaven's general interior. Heaven is different - when you are sent there, you get a choice. You can stay in general heaven, and have everything you have ever desired, or you can go to your own, personal Heaven, which is a separate world created just for you and those you loved. It contains the souls of everyone you have lost, if they choose to be there. You can reunite with them.

 

Only the selfish choose to stay in general Heaven.

 

"Here you are," Spike says, and opens the door for Lily. "Your stop."

 

"Wait," Lily says. "I was taught that I'd meet God and his angels. Where are they?"

 

"I'm so sorry," Spike tells her, and climbs back into the elevator. He tries to drown out her screams as it lifts itself off of the ground and moves upwards to a different world.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hello again," Angel says, resting his hand gently on Spike's shoulder. "I heard you had a difficult day."

 

"Angel?" Spike asks, in disbelief. "I thought I'd never see you again."

 

"Well, you were wrong," Angel laughs. "We're all wrong, sometimes."

 

"Even God's favorite angel can be wrong sometimes?" Spike asks. "Who knew. Thought you were above that sort of thing."

 

"No one is above being wrong. It happens to all of us." Angel pauses. "I won't tell anyone about what happened."

 

"How do you know what happened?"

 

"I keep an eye on certain people," Angel tells him. "I understand how hard it must have been to transport that little girl to eternal pain and torture."

 

"Eternal pain and torture?" Spike repeats.

 

"Yes. It's not an easy thing for any reaper. Any reaper that develops emotions, to be precise."

 

"Emotions? I don't have emotions."

 

"It happens occasionally," Angel says. "You have to hide it, however."

 

"Or what?"

 

"Let's not talk about that," Angel sighs. "I'm here to provide support, not information."

 

Angel pulls Spike closer, and Spike gives in, holds him, whispers  _I thought this job was going to be easy._

 

"We're all wrong, sometimes," Angel says, again. "But right now, I'm here. It's okay to cry. I will understand."

 

"Thank you," Spike tells him. "Thank you."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So !! I decided to continue this!! Excitement!! Yay!!

**Author's Note:**

> "You're dripping like a saturated sunlight  
> You're spilling like an overflowing sink  
> You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece  
> And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink" - "Colors" / Halsey
> 
> Should I continue this??? Seriously please tell me if I should continue this.


End file.
